Facebook Christianity: The Temptation to Hide the Truth about Your Pain and Struggles

Social media is a scary thing. It is a mechanism by which a person can manufacture a façade that makes the world think their life is exactly what they want it to be, rather than how it truly is. (Granted, I don’t feel like sharing that selfie I accidentally took that makes me look like I have three chins.) The very idea of being social comes with the temptation of appearing likeable and drama-free, looking attractive. We often need to be reminded that Christ loved the unlovable.

How often, if ever, do we see Facebook statuses like this?

- “I just received divorce papers from my wife. I don’t know what to do. This hurt is paralyzing. I don’t know how I will make it through this.”

- “I just got done looking at pornography. I want to stop, but I can’t. I hate myself.”

- “I just came off a high and all I can think about is getting high again. I don’t know how to get out of this cycle. I’m terrified where my life is going.”

- “I just got bullied again. It happens every day. I think it would be easier for everyone in my life if I were gone. Suicidal thoughts are normal for me.”

- “My boyfriend broke up with me. I’m devastated beyond words. I know this pain will never go away. There must be something wrong with me. I know no one will ever be able to love me.”

- “I’m disgusted every time I look in the mirror. I haven’t eaten solid food in a week.”

- “I lost my job and haven’t been able to find anything. This stress is overwhelming. I feel like a failure as a husband and a father.”

- “I just lost my temper and got violent with my husband. Sometimes I even do that with the kids. Life feels so unfair and so hard that I’m just always angry.”

- “I am single. I have no family. I have no direction. I have no value to anyone. I have no hope.”

- “My college professors are making me question what I’ve been taught my whole life about the Bible. And I feel like I don’t have any sufficient answers. Maybe they’re right.”

- “I just cut myself again to make the pain go away.”

- “My teenage child is constantly disobedient and disrespectful. Where did I go wrong? I don’t know what to do.”

- “I am pregnant and am considering getting an abortion. I’m so scared. I’m so ashamed. I don’t feel like I can reach out to my Christian friends.”

- “I just cheated on my wife. She doesn’t fulfill my emotional needs. I don’t know if she ever will. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop.”

- “My parents are getting a divorce. I know it’s not my fault, but it sure feels like it. How could they be so selfish? I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this.”

- “I just lie to everyone about my life. No one wants to hear the truth anyway.”

And on the rare occasion we see someone say things like this, is our impulse to look at them and think: “That person just loves drama…(ignore).” Or “I don’t like these negative vibes…(unfriend).” Or “I have more sense than to air my dirty laundry like them.” Or “I’m so happy my Facebook life is happier and easier than theirs.”

The very reasons people withhold their inner struggles is because they can already guess all the condescending ways that people will respond. In essence, we feel a strong temptation to tell only lies, because we assume no one wants to hear the truth.

This is exactly what Jesus warned us about in the parable of Luke 18:10-14:

“10 Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other men—extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I possess.’ 13 And the tax collector, standing afar off, would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me a sinner!’ 14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

When you say to someone, “Hi, how are you doing?” are you only interested in getting a ‘Facebook-profile-picture’ type of response? Are you already assuming their life is perfect and that their response will be one that does not require any further thought, concern, or action on your part? I can tell when people want that from me.

And I can also tell when someone is genuinely asking, “How are you doing?” When we are genuine, we are really asking things like: “How did the world of sin and death try to destroy you this week? How did it try to tarnish the purity you have in Christ? How did it try to return you to the slavery and death of sin? How did it beat you up and hurt you?”

Some of us are definitely going through difficulties while the rest are not being beat up quite as much; but just give it time – the tables will turn. On a typical Sunday morning, everyone has the appearance of being just fine. But what about the teenager who is being bullied, being pressured to do drugs, being drawn in by powerful sexual temptation? What about the sorrow and depression of the man whose wife left him or the woman who wants to leave her husband because he won’t stop drinking? What about the teachers, preachers, and elders who are collapsing under the weight of their responsibilities, and feel like giving up because they feel their usefulness has run out? Consider how there are those (especially preachers and elders) who feel like they have no option – they must put on the happy face, so that the church won’t have a negative, unfriendly feel to it. As a preacher, there are times when I am under stress or enduring pain and heartache, and I am not in the frame of mind to engage everyone with a happy face and deliver dynamic lessons. But, I just have to forget myself and do what I know needs to be done – it’s what I signed up for. Will we stop believing the lie that everybody is probably just fine? Do we realize that a little sincerity in our interaction with them can quickly break away the exterior and reveal the struggles beneath?

When I ask you the question, “Do you know the people of your congregation?” would you say you know them in a ‘Facebook status’ way? Or do you know what is behind the façade?

Are you hurting? Are you struggling? Don’t be afraid to be honest about it. When talking to a trustworthy person who really cares, you will never regret showing your true self to them. That’s where healing begins. That’s where accountability begins. That’s where deeper relationships within the family of God begin to grow. Being at peace and happy and satisfied with what people see when they look at you is not the same as actually being at peace and happy and satisfied. Don’t hide behind the façade, while you’re dying inside.

The gospel is about honesty – honesty about the perfection of Christ and our own imperfection. It’s honesty about the raging spiritual war – and make no mistake, no one is on the sidelines of this war. It’s honesty about the parts of our lives that have not been surrendered to Christ, the parts of us that are a long way from resembling His image. It’s about honesty with each other – enlisting help. God never intended for us to go through this life alone, but as a part of the family of God, along with all the blessings that come with that. Don’t deprive yourself of these blessings that can transform your life – a life that can be so changed by the power of God, that it will make that proud façade look sad and pathetic.

We must realize that most people are already heartbroken about their sin. So much pain goes under the radar. It isn’t the job of the church to kick the penitent while they’re down. It’s to embrace and weep with them and love them – love the unlovable.

-Cary Gillis D.Min.

December 3, 2018